like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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