The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Less talking, more tequila
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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