my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
