I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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