Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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