she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
