Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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