And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Too much gin, very little bucket
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
