Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
