My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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