Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Be still, my beating vagina.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
