Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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