Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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