Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
