Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
