If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Enjoy the penises
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
