It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
