so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
