Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
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I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
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SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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