you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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