Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize