you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
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Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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