I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
