Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
