My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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