the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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