im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
