Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
then he tried to convert me to islam
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
