Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
