I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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