the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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