Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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