the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
