Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
