sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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