just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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