dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
