it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
