I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
