They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
