I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
