life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
