It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
