Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
