guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
