do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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