Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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