the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
