"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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