weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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