clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
ok first of all what the fuck
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
