fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
