i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize