do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
