when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Four minutes until I can fart!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
