i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
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I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
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He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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