I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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