Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
