I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
