I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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