You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
