Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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