Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
