she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
