So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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