did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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