So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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