and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
and she was petting her beer can
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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