he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
