hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
