Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
