Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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