You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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