I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
