I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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