ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
