If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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